60 Funny Sex Quotes and Sayings
In this post, you will find amazing Funny Sex quotes and sayings.
Table of Contents
Short Funny Sex Quotes and Sayings
“If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you.” —Dorothy Parker
“My wife is a sex object – every time I ask for sex, she objects.” —Les Dawson
“Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.” —Oscar Wilde
“Social progress can be measured by the social position of the female sex.” —Karl Marx
“I would rather cuddle then have sex. If you’re good with grammar, you’ll get it.” —Unknown
“I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.” —Woody Allen
“Virginity is like a bubble – one prick and it’s all gone!” —Unknown
“It’s the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.” —Unknown
“Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place.” —Billy Crystal
“Women fake orgasms and men fake finances.” —Suze Orman
“Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.” —Robert A. Heinlein
“The best time of day for sex is anytime, because it’s sex.” —Cameron Diaz
“They say try everything once, not everyone once.” —Unknown
“Bisexuality doubles your chances of a date on a Saturday night.” —Woody Allen
“Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.” —Swami X
“Sex is the biggest nothing of all time.” —Andy Warhol
“Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.” —George Burns
“Sex is an emotion in motion.” —Mae West
“Kids in back seats cause accidents, accidents in back seats cause kids.” —Unknown
“Sex on television can’t hurt you unless you fall off.” —Unknown
“I don’t have a dirty mind, I have a sexy imagination.” —Unknown
“My best birth control now is to leave the lights on.” —Joan Rivers
“A liberated woman is one who has sex before marriage and a job after.” —Gloria Steinem
“Remember, if you smoke after sex you’re doing it too fast.” —Woody Allen
“Having sex doesn’t make you an adult. but it could make you a baby.” —Unknown
“Software is like sex: it’s better when it’s free.” —Linus Torvalds
“Men get laid, but women get screwed.” —Quentin Crisp
“I cant taste my lips could you do it for me.” —Unknown
“It’s so long since I’ve had sex, I’ve forgotten who ties up whom.” —Joan Rivers
Funny Sex Quotes and Sayings
“Sex is like math: you add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and hope you don’t multiply.” —Phil Proctor
“Don’t do it behind the garden gate. Love is blind but the neighbors ain’t!” —Unknown
“Sex education classes are like in-home sales parties for abortions.” —Phyllis Schlafly
“Physics is like sex: sure, it may give some practical results,but that’s not why we do it.” —Richard Feynman
“It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food.” —Jarod Kintz
“I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.” —Chelsea Handler
“Reading computer manuals without the hardware is as frustrating as reading sex manuals without the software.” —Arthur C. Clarke
“Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don’t believe the kids should be given homework.” —Bill Cosby
“Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you’re not good at them.” —Kevin Costner
“If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.” —Frank Zappa
“Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful…Hate me because your boyfriend thinks I am.” —Unknown
“Older women are best because they always think they may be doing it for the last time.” —Ian Fleming
“Sex appeal is fifty percent what you’ve got and fifty percent what people think you’ve got.” —Sophia Loren
“Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, “You’re only interested in one thing,” and you can’t remember what it is.” —Milton Berle
“When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $3.95 a minute.” —Unknown
“Don’t bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.” —Fran Liebowitz
“Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.” —Woody Allen
“Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.” —John Barrymore
“If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?” —Bette Midler
“I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was ‘The man goes on top and the woman underneath.’ For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.” —Joan Rivers
“I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.” —Phyllis Diller
Top Ten Funny Sex Quotes and Sayings
Here you will find top ten Funny Sex Quotes and Sayings selected by our team.
- “I would rather cuddle then have sex. If you’re good with grammar, you’ll get it.” —Unknown
- “My wife is a sex object – every time I ask for sex, she objects.” —Les Dawson
- “Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.” —Robert A. Heinlein
- “Virginity is like a bubble – one prick and it’s all gone!” —Unknown
- “I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.” —Chelsea Handler
- “Reading computer manuals without the hardware is as frustrating as reading sex manuals without the software.” —Arthur C. Clarke
- “Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you’re not good at them.” —Kevin Costner
- “They say try everything once, not everyone once.” —Unknown
- “Don’t do it behind the garden gate. Love is blind but the neighbors ain’t!” —Unknown
- “Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place.” —Billy Crystal
